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Is Mentoring for You?

When he graduated with his degree in counseling, a new member of our profession talked with me one day about his training. The courses were good, he said. The professors were well qualified. The practical training was relevant. But there is one thing I missed: There was nobody to come alongside and mentor me. My friend talked about the well-known

Christian graduate school that had granted his degree. He described it as a place filled with young men and women who are starved for mentors. According to a recent article in the APA Monitor, this starvation for mentors persists after we get our diplomas. When young counselors become professors, many feel insecure in their new roles, uncertain about their teaching effectiveness, awkward in their relationships with other faculty, and wanting help with issues such as how to give good tests or avoid dual relationships when students want counseling. The adjustment to academia is much smoother when these young faculty members can find mentors among their new colleagues. This need for mentors has led to the APA Mentoring Service that pairs experienced professors with beginning or junior faculty members at the start of their careers.1 Maybe graduate students and young counselors need mentors, but what about those of us who are more experienced? Should counselors be mentoring others? What is the role of mentoring in your life, in mine, in the local church?

*What Is Mentoring?*

When the Greek warrior Odysseus went to fight in the Trojan War, he left his young son in the care of a trusted guardian named Mentor. The siege of Troy lasted for 10 years, and another 10 passed before Odysseus returned home. When he came back, he found that his son, Telemachus, had grown into a fine young man because of the guidance of Mentor, whose name led to our word mentoring. A quick search of the Internet reveals a variety of definitions, styles, and approaches to modern mentoring. There are mentoring programs, articles about mentoring, and even organizations dedicated to promoting and improving mentoring. The current interest in this subject came from the business and professional world, where a mentor usually is viewed as a teacher, model, advisor, guide, or sponsor, several years older than the prong and experienced in the field that the younger person is entering. The California-based Mentoring Group defines mentoring as the process in which successful individuals go out of their way to help others establish goals and develop the skills to reach them.2 Christian definitions take a broader view. Bob Biel, founder of a non-profit organization called Mentoring Today, calls mentoring the critical link in developing, protecting, and optimizing Christian leaders for the next century. He defines mentoring as a relationship in which a mentor helps a prong reach his or her God-given potential.3 Howard and William Hendricks define the mentor as a person committed to...helping you grow and keeping you growing, and helping you realize your life goals.4 Sometimes mentoring is a formal relationship, highly organized, and with a defined time frame. In contrast, Biel views mentoring as a less structured, lifelong relationship. A recent article in Family Therapy Networker describes the growth of personal coaching as a new form of mentoring, in which the mentor coaches most often with degrees in the mental health field charge fees to guide others through their life transitions. 5 Like coaching, mentoring usually involves an older person who guides somebody younger in a face to face relationship. But mentors can be similar in age, occasionally the mentors are younger than their prongs, and many of us have mentors who are authors or role models whom we have never met.

*Journeying*

I got involved in mentoring long before I heard the word or entered the counseling field. It began when I was in high school, working one-on-one with younger kids in our church who looked to me as a more mature role model. As a graduate student attending a little campus church, I taught a Sunday Bible study and made time during the week for coffee with some of the undergraduates, including psychology majors, who were in my class. These kinds of relationships have continued ever since. Each week I have several informal breakfast or lunch meetings with younger counselors, students, pastors, Christian leaders, or others. Few things give me greater satisfaction than pouring myself into these people, encouraging them as they build their careers, face their struggles, develop their spiritual gifts, envision their futures, and grow in their abilities to please and serve Christ more effectively. Sometimes I have watched them surpass me and felt an inner glow of gratification knowing that I had some involvement in their growth. I don't need a father. I've got a father, a young psychologist told me at one of our breakfast meetings. I don't need a counselor, he continued. If I want counseling, I'll make an appointment with a professional. Instead, what

I need is somebody willing to journey with me. I want somebody who has been on the road of life a little longer, who knows some of the potholes, who will walk with me periodically and guide me on the way. My friend and I began describing our meetings as journeying times.

For me, mentoring implies something formal, hierarchical, and one-way. All of us can benefit from this. But I'm more comfortable with a relationship that involves informality, mutual challenge, support, two way growth, and even reciprocal accountability. The key to this kind

of journeying and mentoring is what psychologist David Benner describes as dialogue. This is deep or significant conversation. Dialogue is more than advice giving, information exchange, or the communication of something already known. Properly understood, dialogue is exploration and discovery through conversational engagement. It is shared inquiry that is designed to increase awareness, understanding, and insight.6 Relationships like this are rare. They take time, commitment, and energy to build. Few develop the in-depth reciprocity and synergy that the best journeying partnerships possess. But all can lead to a greater sense of

connectedness in which each person touches and is touched by the other.

The Christian life is no do-it yourself project lived in lonely isolation, writes Timothy Jones in his book about mentoring and spiritual friendship.7 He points to Elijah and Elisha, Mary and Elizabeth, Barnabas and Paul, and later Paul and Timothy as biblical examples of spiritual friendships. Throughout church history, Luther,

Teresa of Avila, John Wesley, and the 17thcentury Puritan Richard

Baxter were among those who might have agreed with Augustine's 4thcentury statement that no one can walk without a guide. Solomon wrote that the person who trusts in oneself is a fool (Prov. 28:26). As iron sharpens iron so one man [or woman] sharpens another (Prov. 27:17).

*How Does This Apply to Counselors?*

Mentoring, journeying, spiritual friendships, discipleship, soul care, spiritual guidance all of these overlapping concepts can be crucial for Christian growth. Churches and individuals that rely on Sunday morning services, formal teaching, written materials, radio broadcasts, and other worthwhile but impersonal programs for personal growth are likely to be churches and individuals that are starved for genuine spiritual support, accountability, connection, and in-depth dialogue. Stated succinctly, people need people. All of us, counselors included, need trusted friends with whom we can journey, relationships with kindred souls with whom we can walk and talk. Even experienced counselors need others who can help us keep a healthy perspective on our lives. We need models to emulate, trusted friends to challenge us away from complacency, caring individuals who alert us to potential burnout and other pitfalls that we may not spot. In 1 Corinthians 9:27, Paul expressed concern lest he minister to others but then fail in his own life. If they had been involved with mentoring relationships, how many marriage counselors could have avoided divorce, how many disillusioned counselors would be in the field today, how many emotionally drained caregivers could have maintained their cutting-edge effectiveness?

Most of my journeying relationships have come spontaneously and informally. Usually I have met somebody at a professional conference or church meeting, shown an interest in the person's life, and suggested that we get together sometime for breakfast or coffee. One of my current

journeying colleagues is a professor of psychology who lives in another state. We talk often on the phone, share frequently, and get together whenever we have an opportunity. Our partnership started when he mentioned at a conference that he was looking for somebody more experienced who could help him learn to be a professor. In contrast, Jon is a young doctoral student whom I met at a conference three years ago. We had breakfast together and talked about careers in psychology a few

weeks before his father was killed in an accident. Now we meet weekly and talk about life. Tom is a musician with limited interest in counseling but with expertise in areas that I know little about. In many ways our interests are different, but we have become in-depth friends who challenge one another, encourage each other spiritually, and grow together. These and most of the other people with whom I meet have no hesitation in challenging me and no resistance to being challenged or pushed. I'm not anybody's professor, employer, or counselor, so there are no problems with dual relationships. We grow in these friendships because we've developed a mutual honesty, trust, respect, and Christian

love. Online therapy can be helpful to get rid of such problems.

Is mentoring for you? You bet! Without it we walk in danger in our own little worlds without the benefits and blessings of genuine, care giving dialogue. For some, mentoring or journeying will come naturally. For others, it will be harder and more demanding. For counselors and individual believers, it is crucial for growth and mental health. Nobody, especially younger members of our profession, should ever be starved for mentors. Online counselor is always available to help you out.

About the Author

eCounseling.com boasts a full range of distance and in-person counseling capabilities in video and text chat, HIPAA-compliant secure email, and fully searchable counselor listings, all organized strategically around the top 40 most commonly seen counseling issues like depression, marriage issues, anxiety, and ADHD. And we also specialize in Christian Counseling for hurting people desiring spiritual care. Perfect for counselors - perfect for clients! eCounseling.com - online counseling now! It is being managed by Dr. Anthony Centore.

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Is Mentoring for You?

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